girlanachronism

I think you should try to show, not tell. Sometimes it makes the story seem very passive and unemotional. Example: He lay there for a few more minutes before he ...

Turn around and run. What would you do if you inherited an amusement park?

David Furey woke to the clang of an impish alarm clock. After ceasing the dreadful noise, he rubbed his blurred eyes and sat up too quickly. Blood instantly rushed to ...

I don't think you necessarily failed. Your piece has both emotion and black humor behind it, and I was very entertained. However, I agree that the beginning needs to be ...

This piece definitely leaves its mark. It raw and uncensored, and doesn't sugar coat whatsoever. Your format was different than the norm and therefore made all the more interesting to ...