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Re: Run with Blood Chapter 6: Memory Lane
MEMORY LANE… Bang. Tom, the new assistant, was noisily shuffling around with God-knows-what outside of the small office room, while Shaun’s concentration was shattered into a million thought-parti
Feb 2, 2010 -
Re: Run with Blood Chapter 5: The end of the begining
Chapter 5: The end of the beginning Last night was the best time of my life. I have officially dating Brittney for three months now. Who is the most beautiful ...
Feb 2, 2010 -
Re: Child of the Moon - Chapter 1
Sorry that I havent read your prologue and anything I post here has already been fixed but here we go anyway:) As I stood there, I saw the animal come ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Random Dialogue
Hi! Welcome to YWS! I think your dialog was meh. Way too many run-ons. Almost sounded like William Shatner. Do you have the entire chapter? I think this part would ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Shifters: Prologue (fixed)
I enjoyed this reading. My favorite line was this: Well, okay, maybe pushing Kenna Rogers off the slide in sixth grade wasn't very nice. But I'd had a justifiable reason! ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Child of the Moon - Prolouge
Short but enjoyable. I think you used "as" too many times in this prologue. I ran. I ran as far and as fast as I could. As I ran, I ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: Jokes should be taken seriously
Well thank you for the introduction Eli, I've read the novel you wrote and I thought it was very well written. For anyone interested in reading my first chapter (I ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: The Riders - Prologue (Re-Draft)
Very well written and i enjoyed reading it, not too many mistakes i saw. I whispered comforting words to her. She tried to stand but I held her down with ...
Feb 1, 2010 -
Re: New material for "Dark Star"
I enjoyed reading this but i think it moved too fast. Like maybe some more dialog or even describing more of the fight instead of her gaining the upper paw. ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Run with Blood Chapter 2: The Reality of things
Thank you so much for the review :D . If there is a novel you wrote that needs some reviews. I'll review it for you just PM me. What was ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: The First Angels
But enough of riddles. My father was Icarus. Yes, the boy who flew to his death. That's the myth. The truth is that he and my grand-father lived in Crete ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: bigger meanings - prologue
It really caught my attention and I am wondering where it might lead. I can't wait to read chapter 1! What is your chapters name? is it Bigger meanings? I ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: My Purge
Consumed in shadow the creature of Mordeth stood before the High King of Men, draped in darkness,(period) a black crown sitting upon it's head, it lifted it's dark blade and ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Run with Blood Chapter 4: Back by popular demand: Shaun Grey
Chapter 4: Back by popular demand: Shaun Grey “Shaun my boy, it’s good to see you again.” Roy Schnides said from across the bar. The man had a bit of ...
Jan 31, 2010 -
Re: Run with Blood CHapter 3: The Spins and Turns
Chapter 3: The spins and turns Now, back in my office; were things are back to normal. Check this, write this copy that. The usual. “Have you finished the report ...
Jan 31, 2010
