gamechanger10

this was--overall--a good piece. great for your first one. i'd suggest taking out the parenthesise in the last stanza. it was quite distracting. i too don't think that you need ...

very nice. i loved the repetition. i'm not entirely sure why, but i just did. a few moments seemed un-flowy, or whatever you want to call it. they just seemed ...

this was great for your first poem! the only thing i would say is that i couldn't quite catch on to your rhyme scheme. it seemed a bit scattered to ...

this was a beautiful poem with amazing imagery. despite the few awkward moments that Sapphire pointed out, this was wonderful. your wording took my breath away. Excellent job! -GC10

one that i don't think anyone's said yet so far is SERVAL. its an African cat that can jump super high. for real, it is, i wrote something about one ...

thanks for the comments to everyone so far. Ashleylee: in the first sentence that you pointed out, sorry, i just forgot the 'and' in there, and i was originally intending ...

I'm beginning a story about the murder of the last czar of Russia; Nickolas Romanov and his family. As well as Grigory (let me know if I spelled that incorrectly) ...

actually, earlier in June I finished writing a book about someone that was blind--although the way she became blind involved alchemy. disease is probably the most believable way to go--depending ...

I honestly don't know that much about London, personally. However, my twin brother (on this site as well), Bookmarker, I think his username is, is in London right now. I'm ...

ok, so your obsessed with bananas, what else is new? alright, so in this poem, i couldn't really feel much of a flow through out the whole thing, that might ...

Sight whirls you might want to change this to light swirls or something like that, mainly because later you say black swirls. legs turn to jelly. Down the throat of ...

well, gabe, i just copied this straight out of my book, so the chapter before is when jasmine looses her sight. and thats when she continues to fight with out ...

thanks gabe...NOT!...that didn't help very much.

gabe!!! i agree with Vernon (the person above me) you did not address both sides. though you addressed your own okay, you failed to address your opposition...me. had you researched ...

just listen to everyone else. they all have the right ideas. this has potential to be a great poem with some minor adjustments. good job. -GC10