fritzalfonts

I really liked this story. Just a few little things, I think you need to try and tell us a little more, maybe more description - especially at the end. ...

The beginning was really good it drew me in straight away. Similar to what others have said - character development and (for me) more setting descriptions - though your style ...

This was well written considering you used only dialogue - well done! It would have been interesting maybe to set into a certain era but that could just be me ...

Hi there, i'm going to be honest i usually avoid anything to do with Twilight (my fascination grew out years ago) but I have to say that your title drew ...

Hi there, reading your story I was really interested by it - its a intriguing concept and structure. This is just a question: have you ever read James Joyce's "Story ...

Hi, this is really good. I liked the quick successive sentences - it really drew me in. Just a few typos "her green eye's" should be "eyes", and you had ...

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1. Discovery WHEN YOU HAD A LOT OF TIME TO KILL, YOU WERE FLOODED WITH OPTIONS. I was one of the lucky few who had a lot of time. I ...

Hi here is just a little something I wrote for fun. It's not all of it, but hope you like it! Thanks heaps :) One: Maybe it was the heat ...

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I thought it was good. Overall though, I became a little lost. I think you need more descriptions on the characters, how they look, how they feel to the situation ...

That was really good :D I thought it was very funny and I liked it how you based it on a personal experience and parioded it. This is my favourite ...

Very funny - I enjoyed reading it with your sense of humour. I'd didn't really see anything wrong with it. Keep up the good work and maintain the same sense ...

Thanks guys for your comments! Yeah I have that problem too when I can add just a little too much detail - something i definitely need to work on :) ...