fireheartedkaratepup

A bit confusing, but it's a dream sequence, so that can easily be excused. But she held no fear, for the voice gives her the strangest sense of relief. You ...

ohmahfruitcake. So good. I love how you show the good and the bad--too many people, when romanticizing a person, gloss over their flaws. I really just love this.

This is beautifully tragic. They rhyme scheme threw me off, though--why did you decide to rhyme in the beginning of each stanza, and not the end? And why is the ...

Edit: Line spacing fixed. Better. I went through a really hard time in the latter part of my senior year in highschool. The result was a bit of writing, much ...

Hahahaha awesome. Or will I make it and shine? Ok, cliche. :P That aside, I think you should remove the and--I get what you're trying to do/say/convey, but the and ...

This is something I wrote when I was annoyed. It is extremely short, and I am only posting it because I don't want to add it to my profile or ...

...................are you sure you're not writing about me? Just kidding. I'm not sure about the rhyming...I've had people told me to avoid using words just for the sake of rhyme, ...

Is this the Joker's long lost sister? Just kidding. There's some typo's here and there--lowercase i, no space between a sentence, murder where it should've been murderer--but overall I think ...

I think the part above "how dare you all" is an author's note. If so, you should separate it with "--------" or something. I like this, though the 6....... the ...

I really just skimmed over this (sorry) but one thing I noticed is your descriptions. Too much. For instance, The recently replaced, heavily worn green cushions If you want to ...

I like it. Your sentence structure is a bit choppy--you should try combining sentences to avoid fragments in the future. There are also little mistakes that I think come from ...

........I still think the "choosing to do evil things" line could be more clearly worded. I really like this, but I think you need to project more on the low ...

Goin' for the e. e. cummings style, huh? Very nice. There's something about it that needs work.... it's rambly? I can't quite put my finger on it at the moment. ...

....................should I comment on this, since the deadline has passed already? :P I understand why you used the 'bout abbreviation--rhythm, right? Though those lines seem a bit wordy. And this ...

I can't find the rhythm. And I thought We don't wanna think, we wanna be entertained sounded a bit awkward--too wordy for one line. One thing I find confusing is ...