fire_of_dawn

Right away I can see you have a lot of run-on sentences. Those are when you string together several sentences. I was running from the most powerful and deadly army ...

Hello Tropica. It's a good nest you've landed in. The others here tend to be very friendly, eager to help. Be sure and ask them if you have any problems.

I find that is usually helpful.

Hey Bugwhisker. I always did think two or three Clans would be more mangable... but that's not why I'm posting. “Hey!” She hissed Generally you don't capitalize the 'he' or ...

Just for the record, I think you tried too hard to sound like Max. I wouldn't mind seeing a piece written from Fang's point of view for a change.

I know a little from my science class. Hydroelectric, or water-generated electricity works by using a current to move a turbine. That's attached to a huge magnet, which does the ...

“Well, this is it,” Keona muttered. A soft yap of agreement sounded at her heel. She smiled, which did much to lighten her travel-stained face. Tired hazel eyes reread the ...

Not a bad beginning, M. You better pass this year, I thought cursing my attitude of carelessness last year. You know about using italics, right? Also, a comma after "thought" ...

Hey, good start. I'm just going to point out a few errors here. I think, first of all, the second paragraph could use some work. Telling us all this information ...

Graymoon, rouge: "Oh, me? I'm... ah... I wasn't hunting. Well, I was but..." I could tell the stranger was trying not to laugh at my antics. "All right. I'm looking ...

Name: Graymoon Gender: tom Clan: an outsider for the moment. Appearance: Dark-gray fur except for a black tail-tip and a splash of white on his left ear. Personality: Friendly and ...

What makes a good hero? His sidekick. My favorite example is Sam Gamgee. Here's this fellow who nobody would look twice at, but he's devoted, selfless and wise. Please don't ...

Thanks, Rosey. Call me bonkers, but I like knowing this sort of thing.

Don't know what to say except seconding Eri--

I'm not great a review, but I can show you some errors. It was an average day really. Average, except for what was to happen that night. Here, it's okay ...