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I really like the message you're putting across here. The last line particularly is very poignant - brilliant, I love the way you link back to the title. You might ...

I love the fact that you've decided to set this in the past, and what is particularly admirable is that you have a definite period and part of society to ...

I don't know that a vampire is the most original topic to write a poem on at the moment (and that's a shame, because vampires are cool - curse Stephenie ...

*Has been reading Sherlock Holmes this morning and still can't get over the fact that he's a druggie* I think the later books, after he died, are supposed to be ...

My main problem here would be the rhyme scheme. I know that rhyming couplets can be hard to work, but sometimes it feels like you're sacrificing the meaning of a ...

I think the dialogue is fine - you seem to have an ear for it, and the short sentences work well. You say you were inspired by a campfire you ...

Granted, but now you have to write for Doctor Who, and since you don't know anything about it you get mobbed by angry fans. I wish the Disney Channel would ...

You get rabies. -inserts coin-

When I read this, I feel like I'm drowning. Don't take that in a bad way - no, all right, take it in a constructive-criticism way. You've got the basics ...

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You get a smallpox vaccination. -inserts coin-

This made me sad! It's very poignant, and most of the rhymes are strong, but there are a couple which seem a little forced. I can't really comment on the ...

Approving of the change of direction. The fantasy stuff is all good, but it's interesting to see you doing something else and how well it's turned out (just saw you ...

You're right, this has turned out well, and there are a lot of good things to say about it, but if I spend time on them it's not really going ...

This is really, really good: well-written, with very no obvious grammatical mistakes and no spelling errors that I can see. A couple of nitpicks: it feels like there are too ...