eurobeat_faerie

I'll have to admit, I stopped reading this halfway because I had no idea what the heck was going on. The best thing you can do right now is learn ...

From what I can tell, this is a typical hero-myth story with...merpeople? The plot is not very original, but if you make the events at least semi-interesting and the characters ...

I think the biggest mistake you made was narrating this in the first person. The way the narrator describes the events is too tame and clinical. If you were about ...

When you said this was going to be like The Phantom of the Opera , The Count of Monte Cristo , and Wuthering Heights , I didn't know that you ...

I'm a bit iffy about whether or not I like this, for reasons I just can't put my finger on. The first part was enjoyable, barring this phrase: twirling my ...

If this was a book, it would be one I would definitely read. This a good beginning, you lay down setting, character, and a hint of plot. The only thing ...

Thanks! I wasn't aware of the pacing issues, but now that you mention it, I was in a bit of a rush while writing the last half. ^^'

Before I had even finished the first paragraph, I knew that I was not going to like this story. You seem to have fallen into the trap few teenage writers ...

wasn't really a story. It was a scene. A rather static scene. We learned that a child had been abducted and that her family had been torn apart by it. ...

The plot has potential, but you're following cliche. I could predict what was going to happen at the very beginning, and you didn't fail to deliver with my preconceived plotline. ...

By ironing out, I mean make it flow better. Unfortunately, right now I've got a whole lot of homework that my mom is bothering me about, so I won't look ...

This wasn't meant to be a poem that tells a story. It was meant to capture a feeling.

I can't help thinking that this would make a great radio program on PRI or BBC. I haven't read the other installments of Foe-Be-Gone, but I want to, meaning I've ...

I liked it. I've always had a soft spot for rhyming poems. The poem describes the events succinctly with crystal clarity and I could relate to it even though I ...

Thanks! I'm bad not to read my stories out loud, too lazy. ^^ I'm sorry to say that a sequel probably isn't forthcoming, but I'll keep that in mind when ...