ellisjay

Thanks, I really should have included some more - overall - details. Alex and Cassie are indeed our main characters, and viewpoints switch from story to story. Completely and insanely ...

I wanna to know the threat/what's at stake. You lost me quiet early.

You need more character building. Counting the bricks is great. Take some time to examine your character a little more and work out how his occupation and personality can conflict ...

Thanks for the, since people have asked, I've added the previous section of this scene. *Still not the full Chapter *

Thanks. Just to be clear this is the last section of Chapter One. There is a lot more before this scene, plus an introduction.