elijah1

Oh my, thank you so much for the warning. I was so worried about something like this happening, but now I feel prepared! In the event of a continuum quake ...

Conrad staggered through the dark, rain slicked lawns I think the word "lawns" would look better if it was just "lawn." Avoid using plural nouns when establishing a setting. Also, ...

pens out and, as always, weapons ready. Weapons ready? What weapons? At the front of the classroom was Adam, one of the original superhumans created by the Megacorporation. First, I'd ...

Name: Extinguished Genre: Romance/Horror Summary: When a man's wife is about to die, a mysterious person shows up and claims to have the ability to save her. (And no, I'm ...

Thank you, both of you, for the comments. Yeah, I did overdo the repetition in some parts. Hmm... the speech probably could be improved. Any more comments? Overall, I feel ...

Ah, wow Thanks for the comments everyone I think I'm going to have the character be thinking 'of course not, she has no eyes.' And yes, eventually I'll change the ...

Here it is, the rest of the critique: “Now you wished to know what I want from you.” This is slightly awkward. I'd reword it or take it out. Something ...

Hello again. I've critiqued half of this so far. Here is half of the critique: What do you want from me?!” You don't need the multiple punctuation. This isn't a ...

Hello Tony. I'm just going to critique the beginning of this today. (Don't worry, I'll critique the rest later). The study was a dark and forbidding place. This was where ...

Before I critique this, I just want to say that the content of this is impressive. That being said, there were a few problems that I found with this piece. ...

EXTINGUISHED Death, forget us. We are alone, wading through a field, a field that stretches across the horizon. The moon glows in the evening sky, and the sun sets over ...

Oh wow. Thanks for the critique and the comments. His leg slid, he fell, and he ended up kneeling before a specific tombstone. I just realized... I used two tenses ...

Thanks for all the comments. (For those of you who liked it, more stories are coming). LydiaB, if you ever read this message, thanks for the critique. I think I ...

CHEMISTRY CLASS PRISON The classroom. Chemistry. Nothing to do. I am a teenage boy, sitting in the front row. I watch the clock in the corner of the room. Tick ...

Hello, I'm here with the rest of my critique. “Do I frighten you?" Tom was able to speak after swallowing a few times, “Who are you?” “Your Guardian Angel.” After ...