elephantwalrus

Is this a prologue to a piece? It sounds like it could be. Anyway, the biggest strength of this piece is your sentence variation. You use lots of different sentence ...

My second attempt at romantic fiction! "Thirteen Kisses" is a series of fairly short stories, of which this post is the first installment. Enjoy! Most people can complain about awkward ...

Overall, I agree with the people who posted before me. It's an interesting idea, but you need to hook your reader or else they'll get bored. I might suggest changing ...

This is a really unique piece. The stream-of-conciousness narration is nicely done, and you use descriptive words well. The only turn off is that you started off too many sentences ...

This is a pretty intense story. What bugged me most is that the piece, as a whole, was really rough. Here are some of the basic things that I noticed: ...

Hm...I think I would have enjoyed the piece more if I knew the context. Is it a prologue? A chapter of a longer work? around me until it nearly sophocated ...

Nice! This was really funny. You have a great voice. The only suggestion I have is to try to work some dialog into the piece. Good dialog could add to ...

This is a sweet idea. Many of the rhymes seemed forced, though. The flow was off, as well. The only way to fix these things is to keep on practicing. ...

Hooray! Thanks for the reviews. I shall keep those in mind as I edit this poem and write more nonsense poetry. :D

Thanks for the critiques, dudes! I will try to find time to work on this during the week.

This is an interesting piece, but with a little more work, it will be a lot better. We all have to agree take out comma that parties are fun. If ...

I understand what you're saying in this piece, but honestly, it doesn't interest me. It never captured my attention. To make it more interesting, I'd suggest adding figurative language and ...

This was a very original idea. The only thing that I didn't like about the piece is that you repeat the images that you use. They are good images, but ...

Yep, Snoink covered all the bases :) . With the simple thoughts and images that you use in this piece, shorter is better (in my opinion). You have a good ...

This seems kind of repetitive, but I get what you are saying. Sorry for your suffering :( . You could do more with imagery and really make this piece a ...