elephantwalrus

Hi there, Rachymare. First off, you use some powerful diction in this piece. It draws out a ton of emotion in a short space, which is great. I particularly liked ...

Hey guys! I know it's been a year, but I finally recorded it! I actually recorded it a while ago, and didn't tell anyone. So here it is, if anyone ...

Your insights are thoughtful and refreshing, but perhaps a bit vague in "Living Today" and "Yesterday's Memories." I'd also suggest that you consider combining some of the lines and augmenting ...

I once thought life resembled sand Shifting along the dunes of time Beside the sea of eternity, Until the grains dissolved from under my soles And I dropped, Matter, mind, ...

Hey, thanks for the support, guys! I'm out of town this week, so I won't be able to record or post the song online for a couple weeks. I'll let ...

This story made me smile :) . I'm afraid I can't take it through a line by line review today, but here's an overview: Praise: you have a terrific, fun ...

This was pretty good; depressing, granted, but pretty good. :) My biggest suggestion would be to add punctuation. Without it, the poem's flow is off, the line is messed up, ...

This has a pretty constant tone and mood; the words that you chose fit will with the tone, keeping it melancholy, but not melodramatic :D . Well done! There were ...

This is really good, considering it's your second poem. Everyone already covered the bases as far as nitpicks go, but I have my signature one that I'm going to use: ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! I'm River, and I like to edit things. Just so you know, there are a couple of rules here at YWS, one being that you edit ...

This chapter is better than the first one. Kudos! The biggest problem that I saw in this piece was that there was a lot of telling about what the MC ...

I'm not incredibly impressed with this piece; you can do better if you put more effort into it. My suggestions are as follows: 1. Listen to everyone who already posted ...

The edited draft is better. I still think that the profuse line breaks are unnecessary and distracting, but other than that, the edited draft is much improved. The most glaring ...

I see how the Spanish can be confusing. The phrases translate to, "What?" I asked, using my best Spanglish. "Well..." Megan said, following suit, "My family has just bought a ...

Well, Fandilocks already got most of the nit-picks, but there was one glaring thing that I can't ignore: this isn't a sonnet. It has the rhyme scheme of the Shakespearean ...