elephantwalrus

Sorry for your suffering :( You could do more with these ideas if you wanted to. If you played around with imagery, you could really bring what you are feeling ...

Yea...what's the theme here? What's the point of this piece? Your diction is good, but unless you have a purpose, the poem is worthless. If it did have a purpose, ...

This piece is sort of choppy, but it has a nice voice. The main critique that I have is concerning the last line: “So, I guess by now you can ...

This is a nice piece; the rhythm flows smoothly, making the piece very easy going. I liked the diction of the piece, but the voice was dull. Maybe that’s just ...

This was so sweet! I am truly impressed. This is one of the best stories I've read in a while. The only grammatical thing that stood out was "She was ...

Thanks for the critiques, guys. I really want to keep the first part of the story from Lillian’s POV, so I changed the ending. It is less intimate then the ...

Wow, now that I read it with rested eyes, I can see that it is cheesy beyond all reason. I'll try to salvage what I can. Sorry that it's so ...

Hmm...you have good opinions, but your expression of them could use some work. First off, don't use the word "peace" so many times. It felt like you used the word ...

I agree with Phantom. It's intriguing, but it could use more. Maybe put in more exposition...other than that, your writing styles good. Nice work!

I agree with all the grammatical changes that Izzyeyore made. I noticed that you changed from past to present tense a couple times, especially during the dialog; make sure the ...

My biggest critique is that you use the name "Tom" at least 13 times in this piece. You could replace more than half of those with pronouns. Also: you start ...

WARNING: my first attempt at this kind of fiction. My sincere apologies if it is cheesy beyond all reason. It is sort of unoriginal, but I hope my powers of ...

The second draft is definitely better. I liked how you explain why he got beat up; it adds depth to the girl, the unknown antagonist, and himself. Your description in ...

Oooooh....I like the imagery in this! Especially the dancing on the ceiling. That image is really original, in my opinion. Now, for the critique: This one has me pinned Between ...

Eee! So many mysteries still! I can't wait to find out what happens!!! So, here is my critique. Truthfully, I liked the imagery in Cafe 1 better; the verbs were ...