dommy65

Hey, welcome to YWS! I liked this. I especially loved the metaphors you used in the first paragraph and how you described each emotion as a layer in your mc's ...

Things are going to speed up now and we'll get to the main part of the story. Chapter Six That day, I changed. I wasn’t the same person anymore, I ...

You wrote this very nicely; it was very easy to feel how hurt Bella was by this and how it hurt Edward too. The only thing I was wondering was, ...

whoa!! this is great!! Jess dating Edward? What kind of Topsy-turvey world is this! ha This is very very interesting it had me glued to my seat. I can't wait ...

Aww!! I'm so happy Edward and Elaine are going to be friends! The characters are great and I liked how you captured Elaine's innocence and how you made her mom ...

I know this probably has a lot of punctuation errors and the rhythm is off in places, but it's just something I randomly wrote and haven't really proof read it ...

Ahhh this is so ridiculously good!! I can't wait for more!! ~Dommy :D

olivia1987uk thanks for the review! FFF Veneta is an inland city. haha I guess you can tell how much I looked up on Veneta! But I get what you're saying ...

I love this! The characters are realistic the descriptions were great and you give the reader a creepy feeling with your writing. Great job! The first chapter, although short, was ...

So here's the next chapter. Thanks to the people who reviewed the other chapters, I fixed all the mistakes. Hope you enjoy!! Decisions In my car I had to decide ...

Heyy! this was really interesting, I liked it a lot. I found some typos but I'm not going to repeat them. I like the thought of a little girl seeing ...

haha I love the actual books and you had me cracking up! :lol: ~Dommy

I thought the awkward rhythm made it cuter and sweeter. It was very lullaby-esque and I have to say, it did remind me of Twilight. But if you hadn't mentioned ...

Whoa! You're right about the creepiness! haha. I liked this a lot, the idea has been overdone, but you definitely brought something new to it. I only caught two little ...

Hey, huggybear123! Alright man this was really good. I just have one suggestion: You should skip lines between dialogue. It got a little confusing, trying to figure out exactly who ...