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Re: War
Yes, I'm against war too, but this brings nothing new to that table. Worse of all it's mostly telling, you've taken to wide an idea. Which basically kills the poem. ...
Apr 19, 2008 -
Re: She Hides Behind Her Smile
Hmm, you lack major fundamental needs like metaphors and imagery. It does get across it's point but ya go on and on. Really, my advice would to post this in ...
Apr 19, 2008 -
Re: Fortnight
An intresting poem, I think I understand, my favourite line was 'fortnight of curiosity' but overall you use a bit too much repeatition. And this is 'poor me' and navelgazing, ...
Apr 19, 2008 -
Re: Your Soul to Hollywood $$$ (You’ll Never Get it Back)
Muted glints, a sharp flash, You’ve sold your life. A voice announces ‘roll ‘em’ Criticism burns, you’re clumsy, unlucky. The Director screams: ‘You’ll never work here. Get out!’ Is th
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: YWS Will Be Down Sunday; April 20, 2008 (US Time)
This is actually brilliant I've got no excuse not to study now :D. LMAO
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: Ancient Lies (Chapter one, part two)
Okay, a lot has to be done to this, I mean a lot. Sela awoke in a familiar place. But it wasn’t the kind of familiar you feel when you ...
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: Change for an old soul
Firstly, if you're not gonna bother punctating your poem then less people will review it. Next I felt nothing from this. No need to feel any emotions. Now this poem ...
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: Promises Not Kept (Part Two of Three)
In all honesty this moved too fast... You have no indication that it's flashbacks and I just had to force myself to keep reading. I also thought the main character ...
Apr 18, 2008 -
Re: Steampunk: The Schism.
The story is a fantasy with Victorian elements. It is loosely based on Arcanum. Dwarves and Elves have been fighting for years, but finally Dwarves overcame them with superiour technology. ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: Are Mormons Christians?
Just becuase it has the same roots as our dosn't mean it is part of ours. It rejected the things that made us Christan, so in other words: it is ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: Comments Sought On YWS
Hmm, I would like one new thing don't know if ya can do it. Basically it's creating a mass pm thing for storybook forum. Like if no one posting the ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: Are Mormons Christians?
Still, it's a direct off shoot of the religion. It's like Satanism that's also an offshoot of Christanity. Then we have Catholic and Prosetent. You know how the offshoots happen ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: Why do you believe/not believe in God?
Oddly enough, I'm not much of God person. Really I believe more in Greek gods but probably because I just can't believe in perfect things easily. (Except Elizabeth, yep she's ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: Circumsition: Right or Wrong?
I have been civil. That sort of mass thinking is pressure. And what about Vernon considering the US a minority? Last time. It's the one place in Western Civilisation that ...
Apr 17, 2008 -
Re: 30 Minutes in heaven
Revenge wasn't sweet, people had joined in. He probably deserved it. Then it just stopped, he stood up. No one looked at him, they continued making out together. He lifted ...
Apr 16, 2008
