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Re: before, our breath held us.
Um... I didn't get this. You've great word choice but this really made no sense to me. So many ideas flung at you at once it's hard to totally understand. ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: A Holocaust Requiem
Interesting, I've one problem with this poem. The second last stanza is beautoiful but doesn't really add anything to to this poem: They say that the flag of Israel has ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Hedonism
Wow... you have a wrong way of looking at God. God dosn't fufill your bodily needs, correct. But he also didn't plan for you to fufill sexual experince outside of ...
Apr 30, 2008 -
Re: There
You know repetition can emphasise but it can also whack you metaphorically on the head when you go overboard. Instead of repeating the same phrase use variety. Because people soon ...
Apr 30, 2008 -
Re: The Forgotten
Kinda creepy, seriously. I like how ya have some originality to this, but if ya didn't repeat the images and went for langauge techniques like metaphors or some others. More ...
Apr 30, 2008 -
Re: A Pessimist/ And other poems.
I just wrote this at impulse. I've never written any poems before, please try to not to be hard on me. :) ___________________________________ These claws reach ever deeper, I don't ...
Apr 30, 2008 -
Re: Breaking Through
Not terribly original. But you pulled it quite well and not total nauseating. Maybe try and actually get some originality in this. It would strengthen the theme. Another thing put ...
Apr 30, 2008 -
Re: Unbound
Tis intresting. I feel no real problem with it. It's a nice metaphor and fairly original. The only nitpick is keep the rhyme or lose it. That's really all. Overall: ...
Apr 30, 2008 -
Re: Mutants Chap 1
Hmm, I love the X-men. You have an idea not bad but ya do have a habit of telling rather than showing you do bring out the character well for ...
Apr 29, 2008 -
Re: Little Stages
Stuff like this should be confined to blogs or journals. As it most definitly navelgazing. It's all telling and give us no real reason to care. Plus how can one ...
Apr 29, 2008 -
Re: The Point To Silly Dreams
Though I really like this. It's a rant, a verbose rant but still a rant. You should instead not tell us this show it. I love these two stanzas: The ...
Apr 29, 2008 -
Re: How Not To Make a Human
Wow Bob! Just wow... You manage to use technical terms so exellently. Capturing religion and life in a controversial and 21st Century work. You really have done a brilliant job. ...
Apr 29, 2008 -
Re: Notes on a Plane Crash
Damn... it's been taken off. This was abstract but it didn't bore me instead I read each bit and eventually got the picture. This is really great Bob. I really ...
Apr 29, 2008 -
Re: To The Stars
Intresting rather abstract in some places not necessarily a bad thing. It didn't keep my interest in that I loved it. It's got skill though. Though you could maybe explain ...
Apr 29, 2008 -
Re: His
Not much time. I like how ya let us into the scene through a little navelgazing. You really bring the emotion and feeling alive. It's not original so to speak ...
Apr 29, 2008
