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Re: Fallen Peace
Wow this is great, my only complaint is minor, and it just a grammar problem: I’ll take your hand, I, wanting just as much as you, to safely land. That ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Broken
Broken I thought you loved me and I loved you but it was all untrue I found out you cheated with my best friend You said the affair would end ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Cure Me Please (Third Attempt)
Viola! When I was rewriting this poem, yet again for the third time I realized another reason why my poem was not easy to digest. There were two different things ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Yearning to Know You
Hmm, I agree with Twin this is too bland for some of the ideas, also the lack of punctuation irks me. The idea is nothing new you tell us these ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Umbrellas and Stars
Wow Pingu! I've no problem with this, it's very well written and I see no problems with it. A poem about an umbrella, such merit. Favourite part: Clots of fluorescent ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Lonely Dog
Could you vague this up more, you tell us about three dogs, guessing all the same one, but you give us no real feeling since it's all told rather than ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Beyond my window
It's all well and good, but you tell us a place, which you could do it in less stanzas. Because overall it gets boring after a while, this couldn't stand ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Courage
You're far too harsh, this was nothing short of great. Seriously I wasn't expecting David and Goliath. Some of it is worded awkwardly though: To stay at home within the ...
May 2, 2008 -
Re: Death
My main problem is you have a good structure going on then you go and ruin it by making the last stanza more lines. This not only ruins the goodness ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Big Changes To Storybooks
YES! Finally! Thank you Nate, I've been waiting for this for so long. :D
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Love and Sin
Hmm, okay. You've a nice idea but some bits you force the rhyming so it makes little sense. I'll show: Waters fall from sky to ground, nourishing the trees they ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Stop and Smile
Mizz, this is just too telly. You have an idea making us try to relate but what this comes off as is just someone trying to preach to the readers, ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Cure Me Please (Third Attempt)
For Gadi's Contest. I sit on the cool marble floor, perplexed, My emotions aroused by the resplendent moon gazing down at me. The stars maliciously twinkling, Do they know the ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Song in My Head
Song in My Head A simple tune Playing in my head Over and Over. From a song Written long ago The words just slipping out of my mouth. And as ...
May 1, 2008 -
Re: Don't Slip Away
This is very cliche... you bring nothing new to the idea pallet. It's really same-old same-old. You don't let us experience any of this feeling, you just tell us. This ...
May 1, 2008
