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Re: The long road home
Hmm, too complex, sounds counter-productive, it just went on a bit too much, droning on and I barely got the end if I even I did. The lack of any ...
May 13, 2008 -
Re: Acrostic Thingie
Love this poem, this could have some puntuation to make it flow better. Other than that, I really like this acrostic, it's very beautifully written. Can't wait to see some ...
May 13, 2008 -
Re: mother!
Right, this poem isn't even close to original, and worse it's angst ridden. You need to use puntuation. Otherwise it looks untidy and messy. The whole idea is lack much ...
May 13, 2008 -
Re: Stubborn Lover
It is unique in some ways, but you make a grave error, you tell us, rather than showing us. You should always show instead of tell. It's merit is uniqueness, ...
May 13, 2008 -
Re: Fundementalism and Instanity at it's worse.
There, that's where it came from.
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Crime has Tails
Carlos He couldn't help feeling an excitement the aderline pounding through his body at top speed. Collecting his stuff he left, just glimpsing the girl eyes on him. UNIT, sounded ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Crime has Tails
Carlos Staring around he was near knocked down by a blond who bustled in like she owned the place. Growling he followed her ready to give her a peice of ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Fundementalism and Instanity at it's worse.
Teacher Jim Piculas does a magic trick where a toothpick disappears and then reappears. Piculas recently did the 30-second trick in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Wasteland: Prologue
Your major problem here is making sure puntuation and grammar are sound. You very often mispell words, making it less coigizant. As Teoffany pointed out, telling against showing is one ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Steve the Goldfish
Um... whoa... I'm pretty sure this isn't some happy ditty from what I read, but really the meaning just went *whoosh* right over me head. I'm guessing the fish represents ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: A Wacky Riddle Poem
Hehe, that's pretty funny, I never felt it needlessy dragged on, I loved how it did that, it reminded me of someone playing mindgames. It's unique :). Very. I can't ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Faith
Faith A fleur-de-lys illuminates above, as the light of the rising day (Illuminates and light too simalar, change it so it's not so repetive.) shines through the windowpanes. The doves ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: Crime has Tails
*Can I begin? If not I'll edit* Parking his car, he sat back putting his feet up and stared at the building. MI6. Yeah, don't really get much chances like ...
May 12, 2008 -
Re: I Must Do More!
BBB: Done Tiffany: Done AE: Sorry it looks too long, not really a fan of long poetry. Anymore, if ya really wish it though, I'll do my best.
May 11, 2008 -
Re: Your True Name
A/N: All of the italicized words/phrases are spoken. BELLA Damned... so cold… almost gone. Dread spreading on. (My advice is you listen to Eponine or Fantine death, this seems too ...
May 11, 2008
