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Re: Broken Monotones
You've some very interesting and amazing poetry, and the simplicity, you make it worthwhile, while others choose more personal, you rather go with nature. The beauty the wonderful and invigorating ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: lustrous mortal
Wow it's very verbose, but rather than help here, it has a detrimental and killing effect. For in this jungle of imagery and metaphors, people leave with a headache and ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: A Place Called Home
I think without the final stanza it's already quite political, but along the lines of originality, no. Let me show you a song by one of my fave bands, Anti-Flag: ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Ice Cold Rain Drops on Failure
Well glad to see ya're listening to us. Okay, I agree it bored me after a few lines, poetry should show. You choose a rather weak word choice and even ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Wandering River
I like the rhyming it gives it a sense of innoccence, I can't see anything, but the river is shown most beautifully. Really it's just well worded and is almost ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Hidden Failure
Um... this bored me, no offence, sure ya weren't planning it, but god it was all tell, no show. You just basically tell us a story. Which just seems so ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: I Must Do More!
Done, anymore? It was quite well written, just a tad rushed. Work on that. I'll gladly review again. So anyone else?
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Untitled
Short poetry can sometimes work, but here, it's lost because you don't make it very clear, I love the last line so work on expanding this a bit. To increase ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Caelestis: Keeper's Throne (Chapter one: Relucant leader)
First thing I noticed, if ya wanna emphasise something, never ever, put it all in caps. It looks untidy and unprofessional. You're right about the names, can't ya just write ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Just Like Bobby Zimmerman's Blues
Hmm, when I first read I was thinking navelgazing, but you involved us and I found I couldn't hate this poem. It was so beautiful and well written. It's very ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: Eat it up
Pure navelgazing, and it's quite cliche, you should instead show us, don't tell! Guh... Because until you do, I'll keep saying the same thing. Until you learn to remedy these ...
May 17, 2008 -
Re: The Sun's Eye
Walking, (Comma not full stop) Through the warm August woods (August is a Month, please capitalise it) trees blocking the light. (Too telly, make it more poetic sounding.) Down the ...
May 16, 2008 -
Re: Edward
Rory, I believe right now, you concentrate on too many ideas, which doesn't let any of them be developed that great. My suggestion is you limit yourself to one or ...
May 16, 2008 -
Re: Anthem Of The Broken Youth
Okay, off the bat, I'm half asleep here, and you seem to be saying look at me. All caps, just hurts so much. Guh... I tried to read it, I ...
May 15, 2008 -
Re: Wordclay Short Story Contest
It's not my own contest though, so I'm really not sure :?... Anyway, it looks worthwhile a try at least.
May 15, 2008
