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Thanks for the advice! Some parts are difficult to space, though :? but i think its okay now, or at least better :D

The only real problem you have is the word "the." You use it too much. For example, the first sentence:"Rain poured down intensely from the grey, lurking clouds above me ...

Waiting for moderators, or someone, TO DELETE THIS :wink:

Haha ! That's pretty funny :D They have an interesting conversation, it's amusing.

Really nice, good buildup of tension ! I like how you repeat the "telling a tale" part, the repetition adds to the eerie mood :D It sounds like it'll be ...