chocoholic

Okay, I'm completely obsessed. Am I the only one here? Actually, I know I'm not because kittykat_luva is obessed as well, although maybe not as much as I am. I ...

Nice. He's a good liar, isn't he? I think Sarah's reaction was really... normal. A newer writer would hvae her rush over and try to set him on the right ...

Hmm... what can I say? Well, it was shorter, that's definetely much better than part one. I think your writing has improved a lot since part one, but there's still ...

Well, first of all, you're not very likely to get many crit's with a piece this long. I would stringly suggest splitting it up into a few parts and posting ...

Hi Razorblade! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get around to critiquing this, but I am, finally! I'm liking it. Your plot and characters are very engaging, ...

Unfortunately I was just singing Jingle Bells and I haven't listened to this song for ages so the tune in my head was so wrong, but it was really funny ...

Haha! That is so funny, and it fits really well excpet for the last bit. I sang it out loud and the last two lines didn't seem to quite fit. ...

I liked it, but I got a little bored after a while. Also, I would take the advice given to you before and mix it up a little, perhaps make ...

Well, that was very interesting. I'm taking it it's not finished. I hope it's not, because I'm really liking it. There are grammar mistakes in every part which can easily ...

Hi Chris, and Welcome to YWS! We're all very friendly people here at the Young Writers Society, and if you have any questions or want a crit, just PM someone ...

That sounds really interesting, I would definetely read it if you were to write it and post it. I hope you do, and the title is cool.

Hmm... I didn't particularly enjoy it. I found the words lacking oomph. It was very plain, and I had trouble following it. I did like it though, and with a ...

Essentially I liked it, but it needs more emotion. Right now, I read it and think, oh, so that's what happened. How terrible. I'm not getting worried or worked up ...

Nice. Is there more to come, or is this it? I liked your descriptions, they were very visual and I could see everything clearly, apart from the girl. We really ...

Hehe. That was funny once you reached the end (at least for my warped sense of humour). I didn't like it at first, but the last line made me laugh ...