chichi

StarDuster is right, there is room for much more description. This is from Persephone and the Four Seasons, right? Beautifully retold! The description of the people is fantastic. I can ...

This isn't really a story, it's more of a reflection. Instead of posting a blurb, why don't you write a chapter of this story and post it up instead? It ...

I like the twist at the end, where they're in a mental institution. In the beginning, you make it sound like a cinema, but if they are screaming in a ...

This is a beautiful poem! Absolutely fantastic! Creating darkness to calm and sooth It's "soothe". With an "e" on the end. I hear the school bell dinging Dinging? I know ...

The spacing in this poem makes it harder to read. Maybe you could try only double spacing between stanzas? You're very descriptive in this poem. There are really powerful and ...

Wow, this is a really thought-provoking piece (I don't know why no one's reviewed this yet!) although I'm not exactly sure why you called it Ten Percent. and men shed ...

I just love these types of stories. Unfortunately, I knew it was a piñata from the word go. You need to not drop as many hints, give the rod a ...

I loved it! This is amazing. I think the whole hatchet thing is a bit overboard, maybe something a little lower-key, but you write extremely well. I love the character, ...

This was great! It feels real, the reader knows quite clearly what's going on in Riley's head. The italics appear to be working, but maybe there are more that got ...

Hey, Cat_910! This is great for a first story! Not exactly sure why you named the parts pages. I would just separate the parts with three asterisks (***) to show ...

This may fit better in the Historical Fiction section, maybe? Anyway, I didn't find it boring! The story does not move very far at all, which is a bad thing ...

It's a little confusing how you describe the father without actually saying he's her father. In the way you describe him, the persona's age shoots up and down because we ...

This is a great story, good luck with it, but in some places you overuse adjectives. One example is "I squeeze my shiny green eyes making a gate for my ...

I hadn't actually read the actual story, so I guess I had a disadvantage. However, I love Greek stories and even as a retelling you had the words and phrasing ...

It seems peculiar now, but it’s true; when Mother and I left the cab , we stood a moment simply looking about us, at the people motioning by in different ...