chayonz

7. Tradhalem Tradhalem was much bigger than Rovenhold and metal barred gates surrounded the city, but besides that Tradhalem was a quite beautiful city. Grass was left to flourish in ...

I have to say you're on to something. It is quite interesting the way he finds this egg. A dumbawaiter! he would've known? lol. Anyways i have to say though. ...

Hey. This story is nice. The Oath thing sorta surprised me though. Are they in like a different century or world or something? Just one thing though, you make the ...

oh. lol.

continuation... “Thomas!” Nami cried out, looking panic stricken. She had completely forgotten. Poor Thomas. I made him believe that I was really going to go. He will be so upset. ...

Okie! tx!!

OK next one. This part if a bit confusing. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- “Man, you are a good cook.” The boy merely blinked a

Now i'm going to critc YOUR books. lol. I feel thats the least i can do cuz you've been such a good critic for mine. :P Well I thought it ...

continuation... The tunnel held an eerie feeling and the air was strangely still. Helena held the candle high over her head as they continued on. Her usually quick-paced and light ...

3. Preparing for the Journey After Nami had snuck breakfast for Goneck into the barn she ran into her room. Helena was sitting on her bed anxiously waiting for her. ...

This part seems a bit iffy ; "I have not seen your kin for quite a while. You have kept quiet from the ears of unkind and misleaders fortunately." Any ...

Not that many changes. You can probably spot them if you scan through. I've also added a couple sentences. Have fun! And please give me as much critques as you ...

5. Rovenhold As they neared the entrance Goneck laid out their plan. “I am going to follow you guys in like I am your dog, you, Nami, are going to ...

Got it! Thanks for being a devoted critic!!

Its good! But in my opinion you need to stop saying 'Christian' so much. You seem to constantly say his name instead of saying 'he' or something like that and ...