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carelessaussie13

  • Other Poetry Re: Firelight

    Hi there! So I have to be honest. I didn't really like this. It read a little bit like a school assignment; like your teacher said to write a poem ...

    Jan 16, 2010
  • General Fiction Short Stories Re: Death by broken heart

    Hi there. So, this was really cliche. Like, really, really cliche. There was nothing here that I haven't already read somewhere else. Your characters were flat. Your dialogue was uninspiring. ...

    Jan 11, 2010
  • Romantic Short Stories Re: It's Medical

    Hi there. Well, I actually don't have much to say here. I liked it. I will definitely be interested in reading the rest. A couple of things, just to think ...

    Jan 11, 2010
  • Other Poetry Re: Don't you know?

    Don't you know, You funny little adolescent, That there's small death At the bottom of every beer?

    Jan 9, 2010
  • Fantasy Short Stories Re: untitled- this piece needs critique! very badly!

    Hi there! Well, like you said, this could use some critique, but the point of a critique isn't to make your story better. The point of a critique is to ...

    Jan 9, 2010
  • General Fiction Short Stories Re: young writer's diary:episode 1

    Hi there! I have to ask, are you from a different country? The types of grammatical errors you made were a lot like the ones German speakers make when they ...

    Jan 9, 2010
  • General Fiction Short Stories Re: Why Were You Screaming Last Night

    Hi there, Uh, this is really confusing. I don't understand it at all. First you say you're a famous author, then you're being taken to a gifted school, then it's ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Narrative Poetry Re: deleted

    Hi there. I admire what you're doing. Trying to evoke fear. But I wasn't afraid, reading this, and I have an idea why. It was the length. In my opinion, ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Other Poetry Re: The One Who Hears All

    Jeans, t-shirt, Why do we care what she's wearing? Maybe try, "You'd never know from the clothes she wears, but she's hurting inside" or something. normal appearance, but hurting inside, ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Fantasy Novels Re: Luna 1.0 (edited)

    Hi there! ... ... I am absolutely sure I had some stuff to critique, but then I got further in and I forgot them all. I was captivated. It's now ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Science-Fiction Short Stories Re: Evony- the new planet

    Hi there! I used to read a lot of science fiction stories, but after a while I realized that none of the stories have any real characters. Sure, they've got ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Action/Adventure Novels Re: First Chapter - (temp. title) The Road Ahead

    1 "Farah, no!" Heat engulfed the shadow of a woman, her blonde curls blending with the dancing flames. A sheet of grey smoke separated mother from daughter, growing denser each ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • General Fiction Short Stories Re: "Psychedelic Exposure"

    Hi there! Okay, first off, I think I found something in your writing which I am very proud of in my own, which is being unafraid to give in completely ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Fantasy Novels Re: Kalu, Newborn Spirit (Part 1)

    Hi there, I don't know where you're trying to go with this, so it's hard to critique, but I'll give it a go. Seeing the world through Kalu's eyes can ...

    Jan 3, 2010
  • Dramatic Poetry Re: I'm Planning a Murder

    You know what I think? I think it should be more about the 'how'. Uh, I mean, Hi! Good job! A little obscure, though. Basically all you say is that ...

    Jan 3, 2010


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