carelessaussie13

Very sad, very good. One small crit-- " but never closed, but never cured, never mended, always open" You could probably take out one or the other of those two ...

Hey Krystalstars I guess I'm too late, everybody already knows you and I saw you in the lounge once. Oh well. Yay writing!!! Apparently I'm not the only one around ...

Hi Lila Heya! welcome to YWS, yay for writing, you know the drill. I'm always happy to meet new people so PM me if you want to talk! :elephant:

Hi I'm on the same page as far as the whole short story thing goes. My parents are always telling me that short stories are a good way to get ...

and they were parked parallel in my diagonal universe Wow! I was totally stunned. This was particularly good, and congrats! Keep writing!

[quote="(please don't make the math rip my intestines out. I think I need them to function correctly.) =quote] Oh yeah. Definitely agree on the whole intestines thing. Way important. And ...

Hi I need friends you look like a decent type hi! Yay for run on sentances! : elephant:

Yeah, I know the feeling where nobody around you likes english. Sometimes I goof up and say something like "I was up writing last night" and everybody looks at me ...

Okay, so here we go. Im 13 years old, I have brown hair and I'm short. Enough of that. I like reading, sodoku, field hockey, fencing, acting, singing, chess (no ...

This is wicked good for an 8 year old, not that you haven't heard that before. Anyway, reworking this would be way cool. All hail the painful process of rewriting! ...

You know, if you poofed up the humor in this a little, made everything just a little more unbelievable, you could do someting really cool with this. 8) Really awesome ...

This rings a bell of truth (no pun intended) and I have but one small tidbit. I think rhythm would greatly help this poem. I told you it was small. ...

May I recommend rhythm? This poem is very full of emotion and congratulations of a job well done. Kudos

I think it would benefit the piece to add something of the character's thoughts and emotions into the piece. Is he or she thinking about autumn or subconsciously noticing these ...

I agree that playdough is too silly a word fot the style of writing you have chosen. Even just switching it to clay would, in my opinion, add a lot ...