carelessaussie13

Okay, wow, first of all. I may be only thirteen and everything, but the big-wordiness is, in my humble opinion, overwhelming the rest of the poem. Juxtaposed? I didn't even ...

A lot of people would answer yes to those questions if they weren't thrown out there like a survey. Don't trash it, but do add rhythm and words that, when ...

Rounding and whirling Lost in the rhythm Pounding and sinking Dreams of tomorrow Lost in the dances Silver in moonlight Scarlet in bloodbath Glory and passion Ecstacy blooming Dancing til ...

I disagree with the bit about the 'I'. It was definitely a stumble; I went back and reread that line, which threw me out of the flow of the poem. ...

Tired Feet Tired feet, got to rest, Sitting still, eyes closed, Letting memories wash over me. Emotions, dim with time, Skitter across an endless pond That seems to be my ...

This was a hard poem to digest, and the line breaks were odd in my opinion. Good job though

This is really good, full of emotion, but I would recommend rhythm. It's also a little cliche, but who in this site cares about that? Honestly. :wink:

This wasn't that bad, but definitely has plenty of room for reworking. I didn't catch what exactly she was so sad about (her past, but what about it?) Also, the ...

Accelerando slows to Dolce, Harmonies blend in dancing rivers Notes swirl perfectly in rhythm, Then, in back, a drum beat pounds. Allegro, crescendo, forte, scherzo, Eighth notes flicker ‘round each

Yum! Indian food! I like naan (but I'm allergic, :cry: ), saag paneer, aloo palak, aloo gobi (is that how you spell it. . the way, I'm a vegetarian. How ...

I would drop the rhyme. It dteracts from the overall metaphor, which is, by the way, very good. I am really impressed. Ha! If you check out my failures, you'll ...

Dear Mom, I can’t come home, Not yet, And I know you’re angry at me For just taking off Like I did, But I swear, Mom, I’m working things out, ...

wow, it's like school on the weekend! As bad an association as that is, very good work. I agree that the last two lines seem out of place.

I can find nothing wrong with it, precisely, but it lacks something. Definitely don't scrap it, but I'd work with it a bit and see what you can come up ...

Gyrfalcon you have achieved what I have tried to for SO long. Literally. I do agree that it does start to sound a bit like a cheerleader's chant, though. . ...