carelessaussie13

Wow.....your a way good artests..........

The fourth line " a mistaken wrong move " is stating things twice. Just tho0ght I'd point that out. Good idea; punctuate for more crits

Hi everyone From the replies I've received so far, I thought I'd point out that this is a first section and there is more to come, but I had to ...

A storm is brewing, Far out in the waters. I feel the wind blowing hair From my face, numb with cold, And even the water, Swelling about my knees, seems ...

very sweet Now on to business. You conjured up the image of a little square of ocean; try conjuring up the image of the whole ocean. Describe the whispering winds, ...

ah, I see we think alike! I loved it! I've been trying to write a poem to this affect for months. Very good job. One little crit. The last stanza, ...

his is written in an interesting format. Rather than chapters, I have written this in little pieces, each from the perspective of a defferent character. Any sort of critiques are ...

Good poem, nice topic, might I recommend rhythm? The four-line stanza made me think of this as a rhythmic poem, and then I stumbled over the syllables. Yes, a positive ...

The poem itself is very good, but the format is unaeppetizing, if you can think of a poem as being appetizing. I second the opinion about the adjectives. Happy editing! ...

I find myself wondering who or what the character was before he became the servant of light, if anything. I might recommend an opening stanza about whatever came before this ...

"All there is is darkness" The repetition if the word "is" interupts the flow of the piece. I would recommend There is only darkness or something along those lines. Happy ...

This is written in an interesting format. Rather than chapters, I have written this in little pieces, each from the perspective of a defferent character. Any sort of critiques are ...

orange light turns the sky on This does not work, both gramatically and whatever word means "to your ear". There must be a better way to describe this.

Good work, but personally I don't think the change in structure is working for you here. Try reworking the last bit into couplets like the rest, see where it takes ...

I defiinitely feel the same way. A lot of my friends have radically different opinions that mine on what makes a good book, and it's so hard to sit through ...