carelessaussie13

"And drown into my soul" Ummm..... Perhaps you meant "I am drowning in your soul"? it would make more sense. To me, it soulds like it is from the perspective ...

While this has potential, I think the lines are a bit choppy and the rhymes seem forced. Rework it, but stick to the original feeling in the poem. It's really ...

This poem is very very beautiful, very stirring. One quick thing. I wouldn't love you any different if you would have been a boy This line is choppy, as are ...

Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I spend a lot of my time trying to write successful nature poetry and you've got it. But when I write about the world, I find that ...

Pretty much everything that there is to be said has already been said, but I would like to add that this poem seemed somewhat choppy. Something that I think would ...

CHAPTER ONE False Starts Mama and I, we understand sarcasm. Not just the obvious kind, but the subtle sarcasm too, the kind most people miss. Sarcasm lies everywhere, occasionally disguised ...

THE GOOD It's really cute. I could just see it in a little kid's book somewhere. It's funny in spots and you kept with the couplet format nicely (I would ...

I love it! However it seems to me quite a bit more like poetic prose than poetry, if you will. I would go over this and figure out how you ...

Wonderful. I love the bird metaphor kept through the whole thing. Check your rhythm and you'll find that it's a little off in a bunch of places. Don't chick this, ...

If this poem made sense it would be beautiful. What I mean is, the language is beautiful, if random, and the peculiar rhythm you've got going on is very attractive ...

I'm not going to post any more Clearwater, because no one is critiquing any more, but I'm still writing and I think it's going very well. Thanks for everything, and ...

I wrote that days had passed for Emma because, while time was stopped for everyone besides those four kids, Ivy/Ixchel and the gods, the earth was still rotating and therefore ...

The Beginning A sky filled with dragons. An earth where time stood still. Ronan tried to make sense of it, but he could not. Questions rocketed through his brain like ...

This is beautiful and I could see your friendship blossoming into something more. I loved the wording and the little things, the nicknames and the sparkling cider. My only real ...

I'm a little confused here. Whatever you're trying to get across to us, it's not working. But i love the wording and I could definitely picture the girl.