carelessaussie13

Hi there. I have a couple things. FIrst off, you keep referring to stars twinkling and flashing, but do they really? Plus, regardless of whether or not stars actually twinkle, ...

Hi there, So first of all, this looks like a fairly long poem but actually it's extremely short because it's mostly just the repetition of those same lines all the ...

Hi there. You should make this into the beginning of a story. Possibly a story about doctors. Yes. That would be good. -Aussie

Hmm. Interesting. Excellent in the sense that it makes me think. You don't mean bestiality, do you? Or possibly love of a shiny red car? But then, eye of the ...

Hi there, Okay, so the first thing that jumped out at me reading this was the choppy quality of it. It's really hard to get into a poem when there ...

yesterday I walked beyond the city limits beyond my body limits where the sky was blue and the trees were tickling that blue and birds sang,,,,,,,,,,,,,i was part of the ...

If this were that kind of book, the messenger would have run up to Meria and given her they envelope at his dying moment. Cue the overly dramatic, symphonic music. ...

My friend, this is pure unadulterated genius. As writers we are always looking for ways to go where no pen has gone before and by golly you've done it. Honestly, ...

Sorry it's a bit long. I've been playing around with style - let me know what you think. Change in person from third to first is intentional - let me ...

Hi there, Okay, first off, LOVED this! It was well-written, created suspense and brought conclusion to everything it promised. To be honest, you could totally flesh this out into a ...

Hi there, Let's see. The first thing I want to say is that you've got a great grasp of beginning, middle and end, great dialog and a comfortable style over ...

Hi there, So I can't say I have the miracle cure for this piece, which I don't think is as bad as you seem to think it is. But one ...

Hi there, Firstly I want to say that I love this type of piece, this sort of quasi-folk-tale style. You've got a great rhythm in your prose - one of ...

Hi there, So from a technical standpoint, I am totally impressed with this poem. I've been translating the poetry of Sappho from Ancient Greek and your poem reminds me a ...

Hi there, First of all, unless you are e. e. cummings you should use punctuation and capitalization in your poems; it's just good form. Secondly, just wanted to point out ...