carelessaussie13

This is a poem that badly needed to be written. I applaud you for taking up the challenge. Now for the tough stuff, the part where I tell you what ...

Stop. Just stop. You're fiddling. Tapping your toe glancing around, picking your fingernails. Stop. Can you do it? Are you scared of the stillness? Yes, I thought so. Let me ...

Hey, This was really cute. The ending was really beautiful. Has you girl read this? I think it could be fleshed out, revisited and made a bit fuller. Try images ...

Okay. Aussie speaking. I really liked this. It seemed a little choppy to me. I would flesh it out and add a bit more to make it more. . . ...

"What about stars? What are stars like?" Casey shoved him playfully. "I think you asked me that one already. Gimme a new one." Brian shrugged and lay back against the ...

This definitely reads like a writing exercise. It is an excellent beginning, but I believe you can do better. It lacks motion. Show us how it moves, how it roils ...

Okay, I'm going to write about the revised poem, which is quite different from the the first and equally good if not better. I agree that we do not need ...

Thanks for all the critiques, everybody. I'll definitely be editing this today, but I thought I'd clarify on the whole chocolate thing. Brian has had chocolate before, but now he's ...

Questions “What about stars? What are stars like?” Casey shoved him playfully. “You asked me that already. Gimme a new one.” Brian shrugged and lay back against the hardwood floor. ...

Chapter One Kelly Jo’s Castle Mama leaned against the sink, drawing the back of her hand across her lined forehead. Daddy was staring into a wine glass full of Bob’s ...

Kudos on a really good poem. I think the major issue was that there wasn't enough angst. Humanity has this darn infatuation with tragedy, and cancer is pretty tragic if ...

Hmm. I think my only real problem with this poem was that it was over too fast. Sorry. Let me explain. I had to read it three times before I ...

Imagery Imagery Imagery! This is all that this poem is lacking.

I'm going to write this stanza by stanza, and please don't take my comments too harshly. I liked this poem, but it does need some work. Stanza One Add some ...

White clouds drifting 'Cross a sea of azure So pure I feel apart of it, Soaring. Green mountains stand sentinel, Folding blue to purple In the distance. So much to ...