canislupis

If you were to look into a dying man's eyes, would you see a truth? Would you ask yourself, "Why am I here? What's the significance?" Today I'm looking into ...

spend 45 years in a high school seems Write this out. And so here I am Awkward sentence beginning, especially for the first line of a chapter. This is a ...

Hi there Attolia! So, I think this is a very strong chapter—the plot is moving along nicely and your characters are very well developed. I’m thinking most of my comments ...

Hello there! Lupis, here to review today. Now... nitpicks first? I only have a few more general ones. 1. Weird spacing. In the first paragraph, there are lots of places ...

Hi again! Here is your review, as requested. So, I like that you’ve taken the comments you’v gotten into account, and I definitely think this is better than the first ...

Hi! Here is your review, as requested. It may run a little long, so bear with me. ;) I like this story a lot—it reminds me of the warriors series, ...

Gary gets interrupted by Isabella’s quick decision. You switched tenses here. “Babe, don’t hold your breath. Breath in and out.” Gary demonstrates the way the doctor had showed them how ...

Hi! Here is your requested review. Hope I can be of assistance--I'm really liking what I've read so far. Ok, on to the review! A few line-by line comments, and ...

Just then a man from across the room approached Loudon. He was young and possessed a strong, lively stature that seemed somewhat at odds with his tired-looking eyes. Short brown ...

Hi! Here is your requested review. :) Sorry this took so long. I've been busy. Now, I think the nitpicks have been taken care of. So. Overall impressions: Good: I ...

The night was cool and balmy, a nice welcome from today's unusual heat. A nice welcome? What? Awkward sentence here, I think. This was not what the doctor ordered, You ...

“You are far from your land and vassals. You hold no power here. Besides which, I too am myself a prince.” Either too or am should be cut. “Very well. ...

Hi there! Here is your review, as requested. So, I'll confess that I didn't like this one as much as the one before it. I think this is because a) ...

Hi again! Sorry this took so long. I will now begind the daunting task of trying to find something no one else has talked about. ;) It was a gusty, ...

First of all, welcome to YWS! I hope you love it as much as I do. Ok: At the moment I don't have time for a full critique, so I'll ...