canislupis

I agree with cade. There are also SOOOOO many mispellings all over this. It gives the impression that you don't care about what you are writing. Even the TITLE was ...

Hmmmm, have you seen the movie "Sky High"? For some reason this reminded me a bit of that. I think myth pointed out a lot of the major errors, and ...

Hmmmm, guess not...... I'll be working on the next chapter then.......

"Untitled"? Is that the best you can do? :) Good beggining from a plot point of view, since it really draws the reader in. However, it seemed a bit unrealistic. ...

You have very many problems with this piece, and I also found it confusing. Who the heck is Jay? It needs some smoothing out, especially with the tense changes. Here ...

Oh man! I was hoping you wouldn't kill Samantha..... It's all pretty much been said, but this is definitely a very suspensefull story. Emotions are clearly portrayed as well. Good ...

Yay! I get to be the first to comment on this.... :) First off, don't you think this storyline is a bit cliche? A couple kids finding some magical object, ...

Wow, good idea. This definitely took a bit of imagination. Not much description, but good dialogue and character description (obviously :) ). I really like the angle you took on ...

OMG!!!!!!!! I can't beleive this. Very well written, but the most meandering and random subject matter I have read in a while. From the second paragraph on, I was laughing ...

Hmmm, interesting idea. I think it might need a bit of work though. Actually, the whole thing needs to be checked for grammar issues, since you seem to have a ...

I echo frederick. A little to much telling as well, but I guess you can get away with it in a prologue....... quite a few grammatical errors, all of which ...

Hmmmm, good description, but there isn't much plot. There are no characters, no dialogue, and nothing has really happened yet. Its very short, and it feels like you are describing ...

I agree with the pirate.:) I love the idea of taking a newspaper heading, and then writing a story about it. Like Razorblade said, this definitely has potential. Your writing ...

I agree with the previous reviewers. I did find it a bit cliche, with the "don't stop now" and things like that. Some sentences I also found a bit repetative. ...

Thanks for the review. I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind. About the first time, I was having her look at her reflection, but maybe it wasn't clear enough...... I ...