bubblewrapped

Some nice images, but they were disconnected and seemed rather repetitious. I'd suggest reforming this, taking the better lines - e.g. "the eye of the past" and "golden, meaningful times" ...

Like Cade I feel this started out well but steadily deteriorated. If I were you, I'd take this and try to reform it into something more serious. Humorous poetry is ...

I agree that you need to use poetry format here. Beyond that, the poem is rather formulaic. There is little in the way of technique and even less in the ...

This poem has the potential to be truly beautiful, but there's still more work to be done. Nothing can compare to nature; we retread this adventure, when no art and ...

I'm afraid I have to agree with Cade - there's nothing here for the reader to connect with. We've all lost friends, it's true, but you can't rely on the ...

Overall, I felt this was an OK poem but not particularly striking. I liked your imagery, and you seem to have a good grasp of rhythm. However, your subject matter ...

Yeah, OK. That's nice. As a reader, however, my first reaction is - so what? There are three things that would help improve this piece. 1. Punctuation. As I said ...

A wonderfully apropos theme, indeed :) Nitpicks: "Diety" should be "Deity," "sun-dile" is spelled "sundial" (hyphen optional?) and the second "king" in "King of Kings" should be capitalised. As to ...

Happy (belated?) birthday!

Welcome to YWS, Moo! Nice to meet you :) I'm assuming (obviously) that you like to write, so what's your genre? Do you prefer poetry, fiction, or non-fiction? If you ...

I joined too!

How does one begin? I've been here for just over three years now, and I've seen so many people come and go, had so much fun...learned so much...it's really impossible ...

Hellooo Mat, I decided to go with the prologue first this time, since it had the fewest crits XD. Let me see... Dan waddled through the house, calling out to ...

5/10 It's OK. The colours are cool and I like the fade to black sort of effect, but it doesn't really say anything to me, if you know what I ...

:( That's horrible!