bubblewrapped

I agree; the first stanza is the strongest, although "quiver" should not be repeated in such close proximity. I'd skip the second stanza altogether - it adds nothing to the ...

Very unusual style, but well-executed. I felt the first three verses were the stronger; the last two seem to wander from the point a bit and are not as neatly ...

The concept has potential but the execution is, to put it bluntly, poor. Be kind to your readers and expand on your ideas a bit, preferably with some more imagery. ...

I have no religious objection to this, if that's what you're worried about, but to be honest it's not a very good poem. As Phoebe said, the repetition does nothing ...

That was beautiful. Lovely flow, excellent structure and pacing. I can safely say that's the best poem I've read today :) In fact, I can't really find much to critique. ...

Welcome to YWS! To be perfectly frank, this poem was hard to read. Two things they don't teach you in school, aside from the fact that poetry doesn't have to ...

Welcome to YWS! I was surprised to find that I quite liked this poem; usually poetry entitled "Hate" ends up being a mish-mash of badly rhymed verses, and it was ...

I agree with Phoebe - this poem is cluttered, and that detracts from its effectiveness. I sort of like the mock hymnal style, but reading it with a mental choir ...

this is my suicide, love note on paper. this is my oblique and mystified demise. the outgoing tide reveals the rocks of your good opinion and the shipwreck of my ...

Nate, are you feeling OK? XD That said - coco potatoes = genius.

Writers Block is a tricky topic to pull off without being cliched, and I will give you some points for originality. Overall, however, this poem fails insofar as it offers ...

I've not read many of her poems, but those I have read have incredible power. "Mirror" is one of my favourite poems ever and "The Bell Jar" frightened me when ...

The idea is interesting; a fresh slant on an old and rather cliched theme. Unfortunately, though you start out well, the quality deteriorates towards the end. I think it would ...

Ooh, Nate reviewed this :D Feel special, lol. I agree with what he says about proofreading; it's important before you post to make your work as error free as possible. ...

The idea of romance being "the same old story" is interesting and could lead to some fascinating places. Sadly, while you promise so much, you never actually go anywhere with ...