bubblewrapped

That was very sweet, and the imagery was lovely. A few things I think could be improved, if your friend is so inclined: 1. Punctuation. A bit more punctuation would ...

I'd like to see just a little bit more punctuation; the rhythm seems to falter at times and I think shortening the sentences and/or adjusting your punctuation would help smooth ...

To be frank, there was very little I liked about this poem. Your language was inconsistent; one minute it was simple ("causing your body to burn to dust") the next ...

I love the style of this, and the tone. Unfortunately, it isn't quite sophisticated enough somehow to pull off what you're going for. The verses feel too disconnected and incoherent ...

Well, it was OK. It was a bit pointless, to my way of thinking; the reader is offered very little context in which to place the scene you describe, and ...

Basically? It's a pretty image, and passably executed (although your rhythm and rhyme scheme could use a bit of work), but there's no point to it. What does the reader ...

I liked this - it was unusual, but well executed. You have some vivid imagery and the story is quite arresting. One nit-pick I do have is the over-use of ...

Thanks for the crits guys. I've played with it a bit, especially that second stanza; I wanted to keep something there as otherwise there'd be no substance to it, so ...

Personally I'm all for it. There could be problems, most significantly with spam reviews (there's already been an increase in these after the 25 point chat restriction was implemented), so ...

Yay! They were starting to drive me nuts -.- Thanks Nate :)

Hi bethany, welcome to YWS! There are two main things I'd like to see you do with this poem. The first is spelling. You may not know this, but YWS ...

You have some great stuff here, but right now it's overshadowed by the weaker lines and some poor wording. I seem to think I must be like her Delicate, patient, ...

Hi there alyam11, welcome to YWS! I'm going to suggest here that you put this into poetry format - right now, it's more like prose, you know? So you might ...

Thanks for the crits, guys. Any better with the italics and third stanza gone?

Version 1.2 The ghosts of little boys walk down the street suited, tied and matching in their workaday formality, their faces lost to drudgery and daily apathy. While others age ...