bubblewrapped

I agree with Mad, there needs to be a bit more ... emphasis, somehow. We have all these horrific words and images, but they don't have time to settle in, ...

Hey Amber, You've got the right idea, here, but there are several ways you could improve. Firstly, your description of the event is very prosaic and straightforward -- it proceeds ...

I love that second to last stanza - very powerful. I do feel that the poem lost some momentum in the middle though. From "I have tasted..." to the first ...

Hey there, welcome to YWS :) I agree with Antares about most things - this is kind of short and pretty confusing, so I think you should work on cleaning ...

Hey, welcome to YWS! Always nice to see some new faces on the boards :) Your story sounds very interesting so far. I love tales of lost mines and buried ...

This sounds like an interesting premise, but you have a lot of mistakes. Please try to spell-check your work before posting! Here are some of your typos/errors: in there beds ...

I must admit that I love this myth, and your retelling is excellent -- just the right balance between narrative and dialogue, and I love the fairytale tone. A few ...

I enjoyed this, and didn't see any inaccuracies personally, but I've never had a good head for history so don't quote me ;) I liked your characters - Maddy and ...

Whoa. I love this. Just the right blend of the lyrical and the concrete. Well done! As the plane headed back to the airbase, Max heard little prayers knocking on ...

I think this piece has some potential, but it's lost amidst the jumble. First thing I'd advise is to clarify, clarify, clarify. Get a piece of paper and in the ...

I agree with CMH about the repeated "endlessly" -- it's a bit jarring. Also, I kind of felt this would be better set to music than as a poem. It ...

I agree with CrossMyHeart, this is a lovely poem. I do think the rhymes in stanzas two and three are off a bit; it seems like you're reaching a bit ...

Hope your exams went well :) I just finished mine too -- they suck, don't they? As for the poem, I love the way you maintain an air of breathlessness ...

Hi there, Welcome to the site! I hope you're enjoying your stay, and would just like to say thanks for submitting two reviews before posting this :) As for your ...

I loved the first two stanzas of this: you create a strong image and follow through nicely. IMHO, though, the third stanza starts to get a little iffy. I remember ...