bubblewrapped

Hey there, welcome to YWS! I've edited the "title" area to "Untitled" as it's easier for people to click on than a question mark. You also don't have to fill ...

I really enjoyed this - the style is fittingly abstract and to the point. Well done. I did have a bit of the problem with the line "from every point ...

There are some wonderful images in this, and the language was excellent - I particularly liked "just a group of drunks..." and "please join the good people in tearing the ...

That was actually pretty good. A sweet story, if a little sappy. A few things to watch out for: Firstly, you have a lovely rhythm going but it does get ...

I liked what you were trying to convey here, but there are a few issues with the form. Since it’s so short I’ll go through line-by-line and try to work ...

OK, first of all, you need to make things clearer because I’m really not sure what you’re trying to say in that first bit there. Is “A World Around Me” ...

You have typos in the title. Otherwise, I have nothing to add save that I love the ending and the line breaks. Very effective. Also, "if we would have" seems ...

I liked the story, but I did feel the rhyming was a little forced and the rhythm a little shaky. Try reading it out loud and tapping out the syllables ...

That...was remarkably beautiful. My only problem as it was a bit difficult to understand, but once I got to the final verse it became clear. I can't really think of ...

Hmm. There is a lot here that doesn’t need to be, I think, but some parts definitely have potential. Firstly, I think your opening stanza is unnecessary and doesn’t add ...

Welcome to YWS :) I think Angel covered most of the salient points, but there are a couple of things I’d like to point out as well. Firstly, in your ...

Hm. There are some parts which have real potential, but there are other parts that make me scratch my head and wonder why they’re there at all. I love the ...

Mm, it was kind of flat if you ask me. Someone who doesn't understand your character (like me) really doesn't get much out of it, and a good poem should ...

In general, I liked this poem – you took an extremely well-worn and cliché topic and made it personal and interesting. A few things I think you could improve on, ...

For an early attempt at poetry, that was actually really good. You took an extremely cliché topic and made it personal and interesting. A few things to watch for next ...