brix_strat

Tamia looked up at the stranger sitting across from her, lips determinedly pressed together . I think there might be a way to refrase this. To me, it sounds slighty ...

Nice! I love it. *clings to story* definately continue. I think you showed the characters very well. This story is very interesting. *nods* I really do love it....alot.

lol, i didnt really absorb a word eaither. I jsut did that thing to waste time. Cause, i was completely bored. and what e-mail adress? XD

Thank you everyone. I will definately think about the stuff you have said, and also I will change what you suggested. It helps alot. *nods* thank you again.

{first off, i'm only putting part of chapter 0 in here, because it is a little long, if you would like to hear more, please say so, and I will ...

*claps* I loved it! You are an amazing writer! I envie you! >< Keep it up! And i will sue the editor too if it doesn't get published. *nods* XD

It may be just me....but in the begining...you use "he" alot. Try not to reapeat it over and over, but rather cut straight to the action. So instead of: He ...

I love my doggies! haha. Nice to meet you all as well. If you want to know anything else, feel free to ask. I love to answer questions....that have nothing ...

Well, I'm a boring person....if you ask me other questions, i'll answer them...but yeah...I'm broing. Cept....i do alot of interesting things. XD well, have fun reading....if you read the stuff ...

The light of the pale yellow moon shone high in the sky, reflecting off of the guards’ armor as they stood like statues on the stone wall. “Aye, it’s a ...

Take it a tad slower. You seem to go a little fast and its a little confusing at the part where Leo stumbles... Other than that, I don't see anything ...

*claps happily* Write more! i want to know what happens! I couldn't stop reading...

haha, thanks...I thought i caught all the Equil and Equal things...>< i knew i missed some. hahaha, and thank you i will change that stuff.

I'm addicted....addicted i tell you! TEll me what happened next! I loved it...i think there might be a better way to transition to the egg part though... I'm not sure ...

that was amazing. I love your humor. hahaha, wish i could write like that...but im getting there. haha. Seriously, this piece is very interesting and well written.