brassnbridle

Your story does a lot of just stating things as they are, which is all right in small amounts but can get rather annoying after a while. Most of the ...

Looking at it again, I'd probably add a comma after ranger in that sentence, too, because that's where you'd naturally pause reading it aloud. Sorry I didn't notice that in ...

Ok, I have no comment on the whole anarchy subject, only a few grammar errors I saw that could make your story/letter whatever flow smoother, mostly dealing with commas and ...

I wouldn't know about lord of the rings, but I did notice a lot of your names started with 'a', which got a bit confusing at first- I would suggest ...

note: If you've been reading the fantasy section for a while, it's possible you have read part of this, in which case I'm sorry- this was once part of a ...

It's too bad you don't plan on continuing, because I would read more readily. I like the style and the tone- both were well done, in my opinion. There were ...

Not bad for a start, but as mentioned above, there is little emotion. The MC talks about her sister's death very matter-of-factly. I would suggest adding more about MC's feelings ...

I'm a star wars fan, though not so much of the whole Jedi slaughter in ep.3, but I saw it and found it interesting. Though short, it was suspenseful, and ...

Short, but not a bad start to a story. Still curious exactly what your main characters are, or even what their names are, but I assume you plan on revealing ...

Definitely interesting. I was a bit confused by the beginning, trying to figure out who was which, but it worked out. Explaining different tribes was interesting, but once you dived ...

I like it! I like how you write in the same style as the Percy Jackson books, which can be describing an epic life-or-death fight and still have you laughing. ...

This is interesting, I liked the dialogue, which is often not easy to write. But there's no setting or anything to give the reader a picture in his/her mind of ...

All right; thanks :D

Interesting story, flows nicely. Just a word about run-on sentences, though, because there are a few. An English teacher once told me your sentences should average around 18 words; too ...

Catching, but lacks descriptions, both of characters and places. You write well, i'd spend a little time maybe writing about the senery on the planets and in the ships, and ...