blackstorm

Very good. Your use of imagery was nice and I could almost see what you were describing. However, it almost seemed that you were trying to rhyme but the poem ...

I concur. I think that this would convey the meaning better in story form. However, for your last line I would use "Lord, all I ever dreamed of was being ...

I got close once. What is the color of a snowstorm?

Archibald (first thing that popped into my head)

I always thought that McDonalds deep-fried everything.

baldness

Granted, but then she starts to kick you in the kidneys. I wish that the weather were I live wasn't so sucky.

Chicago

chili peppers

vampire

Once there was a monster who spoke only about bubble gum. He thought that he should take a lesson about bubbles and rubber bands. He could jump over the river ...

Cerry Mistmas (Merry Christmas)

Tacos

Once there was a monster who spoke only about bubble gum. He thought that he should take a lesson about bubbles and rubber bands. He could jump over the river ...

Cutting