blackpencil

Wow. That was really good. It didn't really seem to hit me though, as deep. If that was what you were aiming for, well... I hope you read my work! ...

Ok, sorry about this, but I'm going to have to tear this apart. Your grammer seems really good, which is new to me. This story is way to fast, way ...

Good story, but I am about to rip it apart. Sorry! First of all, The prologue is pretty unnescessary (no, I can't spell that right). You could have put it ...

I love how you made a poem just by this one event! That shows talent in a poet! Or has this been multiple times? Heh heh heh... Even though some ...

Hey, I'm blackpencil and I'm reviewing your work today. First of all, it seems extremely interesting, and I like the way you start it off. I guess the weird things ...

That was much better than the first chapter, I think! Great job! There are some things I caught, though. At the beginning you didn't tell us who was speaking. This ...

i edited this story. Pay no attention to the first comment. Unless you want to see every single detail of my other awful, unedited version and why it was so ...

Chapter ONE: The Battle A lone figure is standing on the edge of a snow-capped cliff. He overlooks a small village, though his focus is on its inhabitants. He smiles. ...

I don't usually read stuff like this but just a quick reply before I RUN OUT OF TIME. First of all, the story became to fast. You started off slow ...

Excellent job! I really enjoy fantasy novels like this. Just a few things. You need to use commas at the end of quotations that continue sentences. Such as, "It is ...

Surprisingly, Kirthin did manage to get some sleep that night. He awoke early in the morning, just as the sun began to peek over the mountaintops. The valley in which ...

Sorry jumping in now. Name: The One Age: Who knows? Gender: Who cares? Species: Tin Can Location (now): With Boobo. It is her/his most prized possession. Personality: Full of himself. ...

"This is not a good idea," stated a slightly hidden, female, human like figure. Too many adjectives describing this character are placed one after another. Try to incorporate these descriptions ...

I liked it. I wish I could write poems like that... But If wishes were fishes then I'd have to go fishing! ... But I'm a fantasy writer... Anyway, this ...

What an excellent job! I had an idea for a story like this before. It was based on a game me and my best friend would play as kids. This ...