bkwrm

I'm lovin it Kim - you just keep drawing the reader in deeper and deeper. It's sooo good! Bkwrm :D

Just three things this time; “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!” Add a question mark in before the exclamation mark. Aronn watched the two angels thru the window. 'Through' not 'thru'. ...

Oooh - intriguing. This is really good. I can't even spot any grammatical mistakes this time -you're just getting better and better. I'm totally hooked to your story! Bkwrm :D

This is really good Kim. How is it that you always have work that's consistently good? Now I feel jealous!!! Just a couple of grammatical points - yet again those ...

This is really good. As Kim says, it is beautiful. There's just one thing - I'm not sure about the rhythm of this bit; 'Trying to keep the world from ...

It's really good Kim. There's quite a few grammatical mistakes which I tried to write out for you, but my computer is being stroppy and deleted it all, and I'm ...

Hi! This is great - it doesn't have as much as an impact as your first chapter, but that's not really a bad thing. I can't find any mistakes that ...

*This is fantasy-fiction only because it is set in a world which exists only in my head - so don't expect any form of magic/mythical creatures etc.* Chapter One In ...

It's great - I was hooked immediately and also very intrigued. I desperately want to know what happens next, which is a testament to your skills as a writer. One ...

It's great - I was hooked immediately and now I'm intrigued. I desperately wnat to know what happens next, which is a testament to your skills as a writer. One ...

Wow! I really like it! I don't think you need to change it at all -it's a fantastic prologue! Your hand in mine, eyes saying, "Let's get away, let's get ...

This is really interesting. Your descriptions actually remind me a little of how Bram Stoker described the female vampires in Dracula. There are a couple of things you need to ...

I've changed the line aout the sea's salty smell. Is it better now? Bkwrm

>This poem is a revised version of an earlier one. I've included the original as well, so could you please tell me which you think is better? The night whispers ...

Together with its brothers, they gave more than any of them could give alone. When you say 'together with its ...' you have to say 'it did' not 'they did' ...