bkwrm

*this song just sort of popped into my head. I've included the music, so if you're at all musically minded, you'll get a rough idea of the tune (btw # ...

With her expensive clothes a-mess and hair unkept I think you mean unkempt , as in untidy, as opposed to unkept, which means unfulfilled or broken. Amongst her in this ...

This poem has some serious flow problems - it's really stilted, and doesn't lend itself to being read aloud at all. I think you should do as gadi suggests to ...

You've made a few grammatical mistakes, but in general, this is a very good piece of writing. I really like the way you've written from a very simple point of ...

Interesting. This reminds me of a book called 'The Ringmaster's Daughter'. Have you read it? If not you should. I do think you need to expand upon this, but you've ...

Thanks for your comments - it's nice to know you like my poem. I agree, the topic is fairly simple - after all, it's the usual story; stay too long ...

*I have some difficulty with punctuating poems, so any pointers would be appreciated* Under the Never-Ending Sky Under the never-ending sky in the field of deepest green the fairy court ...

I've noticed you have a little difficulty in making your speech sound natural - it seems a little forced, too scripted. What you need to do is go through and ...

Wow! You really know how to write a story Kim! You already know the grammatical mistakes - there's just one that hasn't been pointed out;- The only thing that moved ...

I just can't get over how good you are at writing. You really draw your reader in. I've noticed that you've made quite a few mistakes, apostrophe-wise eg. your intead ...

Cool! I don't have time to review it, but it's really good. Bkwrm

I know it should be 'any more', but that doesn't fit in with the rhythm, so 'no more' it will remain! Bkwrm

I like this. It's really refreshing for someone to use you instead of he/she or I. pink mouldings that called for you to sit under. Try 'pink mouldings that called ...

This is quite good but you need to go into more detail to make any real impact upon the reader - as it stands it is interesting but neither thought ...

I would just like to say that I pronounce again 'a-gayn' not 'a-gen' and that's how it should be in the song. You'll notice that when pronounced that way it ...