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Re: Devil's Inquiry
This is quite good. I think that you may be a little confused about your virtues though. The four you talk about are the cardinal virtues. The heavanly virtues (of ...
Apr 19, 2008 -
Re: Friendship (revised)
Nice choice of style - it's not common to find poems written like that on YWS, so yours stands out. I like it, because even though it says all the ...
Apr 8, 2008 -
Re: Picture Perfect
I like this. I think it reads quite well, though it would be better if you added some punctuation. Well anyway, I think it deserves a star so - *gives ...
Apr 3, 2008 -
Re: A Magpie Rhyme
It's not really for anything in particular - I've just always been fascinated by magpies and especially the rhyme, so I tried customising it as it were. :) Thanks for ...
Apr 3, 2008 -
Re: The Ribbon.
Most of the line by line stuff has been taken care of, but there's just one thing:- Going father up then I shall ever reach. I miss it. I think ...
Mar 29, 2008 -
Re: The Princess and the Bee
I love the title. I also love the poem and I think it is a credit to you that by the time I'd finished reading I was thinking about how ...
Mar 28, 2008 -
Re: But You Can't See In
I read poems becuase they can be beautiful in a way that prose cannot. They sort of capture a feeling and then set it free in words. If that makes ...
Mar 28, 2008 -
Re: A Magpie Rhyme
The Magpie Rhyme One for sorrow There is only one in lonely and alone - and unshared sorrow is the worst sorrow known. When there’s no one - except you ...
Mar 28, 2008 -
Re: The Three Queens -Chapter Two
Ermm... these are the introductory chapters - so that you know who everyone is - which is why my characters aren't really developed yet, but I will definitely try to ...
Mar 28, 2008 -
Re: Mask
This was good. I wear a black glittering mask; made of glass. I hide and you seek, your out to hurt me. 1) You're not your 2) I think you've ...
Mar 28, 2008 -
Re: Fireworks for the War (Edited)
This is so great - did you learn about stuff like the switching of socks in school, or did you find it out somewhere else? Well anyway, it works really ...
Mar 28, 2008 -
Re: Do not Enter
I like the original version better. I think that you could have done much better - I'm not sure that you've done justice to yourself as a writer in creating ...
Mar 25, 2008 -
Re: Girl in the Window (Edited)
This is okay, I guess. I agree that the rhyming seems forced, and I think you should drop it - especially as you just change your rhyming scheme for the ...
Mar 25, 2008 -
Re: Killing For Colour (re-make)
I'm sorry but I don't think that this 're-make' is as good as the original piece. Obviously that one needed work, but this one simply doesn't come across as well. ...
Mar 25, 2008 -
Re: We All Fall Down (Part 1 of 2)
This is good, but I'm just wondering - in part two are your characters less accepting of the fact that they're going to die? Because Charlotte and Ryan just seem ...
Mar 25, 2008
