bisquit

thanks for the comment :)

this was originally a srious story but i have changed it to be witty and will be writing the other serious one shortly and in a different format. :) Chapter ...

i hope ppl will actually like this version cos i took a huge chunk out of the other one. sigh. i think i will soon give up on it though. ...

This is really great loz and for something thought up in only a few mins its especially great!! i really love the verses and they made me laugh. especially love ...

thanks lozzen :) i will make those changes! thanks for your constructive criticism. :) much appreciated :) xx

Firstly, Lozzen, there are some really great aspects to this poem. :) it has the potential to be really good. :) well done I have one or two suggestions that ...

Ok, so maybe my story doesn't interest you but i was actually quite pleased with it. All i have ever wanted to do is write and i'd appreciate constructive criticism ...

The wind whistled its way in and out of the tents, taking a good look at each man that lay within every one. Most were curled up under blankets in ...

the point of the necklace being described in detail is so that it has more effect later when it becomes more significant. You arent meant to know the pendants purpose ...

Chapter 1- Riders from the North. Baramus sat alone in his tent, looking out onto the assiduous campsite. He shivered as a stiff wind blew in through the tent’s entrance ...

Prologue- under a starlit sky A lady stood at the edge of the precipice, looking down on the sea. The waves washed the side of the cliff, scaring the seagulls ...

Ok cool. there are some really good features in this poem. good work. i really love the way your rhyming isnt forced. :) i think you could improve on some ...

First impressions great! :) i looked at it and thought purely...WOW. this is really great especially for something done in the car! :) it doesnt even matter that it isnt ...

There is some really great rhyming in here! it doesn't seem forced and isn't unnecessary. good work! There are so many oppurtunities for semi colons in here. you could afford ...

thank you very much people. and i dont think its a real street. but who knows?! hehe