bigwordsarecool

hanks, Snoink. It does sound a lot better that way. I'll probably change that.

Whitegreyson, thank you :) I'd be honored if you used part of it in a poem, and you can show it to whoever you like. It's on a public forum ...

Thanks for your response. There were several reasons. It was their convergence that made her leave. And also, I feel that it isn't so much blatantly sad as it is ...

OK, let me first say that I'm not a huge fan of weird format just for the sake of weird format. And now that I've said THAT, let me say ...

I like the images in this poem (except for the image of Davy throwing up, haha,) but I feel like the body of it could have used more poetic language. ...

I think you need top not repeat "Through glass I see..." so often. It detracts from the poem. I'm going to suggest what I just suggested for someone else's poem ...

I have to agree with bubblewrapped, the poem didn't really leave an impression on me other than one of faint annoyance. And I don't meant o be rude, not at ...

Overall, I really liked this poem. I liked the images of a spent childhood and the melancholy tone of it. However, I feel like some of the breaks were awkward, ...

In terms of punctuation and capitalization, I took kind of a minimalist approach. I didn't want to include any punctuation that wasn't essential to the rhythm I wanted, so I ...

Jiggity: Thanks for your comments, I definitely understand the notion of details making a piece awesome, so don't worry about me thinking you're finicky or anything like that. I'm not ...

cigarette smoke drifts in florettes towards the sky our threadbare jeans rest against rusted metal the heat presses our bodies lie still not once have I ever asked you a ...

A few parts, mainly the "been chose" line and the last couplet seem really forced. I appreciate the feeling behind this poem, but I really wish it were a little ...

I must agree with the other two people who reviewed this in saying that this seems less like a poem that it does a storyline. Or maybe not really a ...

Thanks violetjune :) And Insomnia, thanks so much for taking the time to read through this and point out the story's flaws. I'll respond to you in parts so I ...

Navita, I really REALLY appreciate the fact that you'd take so much time to read it not just once but THREE times AND include a break-down of flaws you found. ...