biancarayne

Splinted smiles. Did you mean splintered? It would definitely fit in better. But the record goes on skipping, sounds kind of awkward...maybe reword it? But basically I think kitty15 gave ...

I can't find anything else to say that anyone else hasn't suggested so, there isn't anything else I can really say except for that this is most definitely a wonderful ...

I live on this bridge of rhythmic pulsations, dissension building between the major and minor chords. My heartstrings are yearning for your finger, a featherdust brush of heartrending harmony. You ...

“It’s been a while and Makajeh hasn’t answered us.” “I’m beginning to think he’ll take the power we gave him and try to become more powerful than us.” “We want ...

“Hello my name is Sendoma. What is your name?” said Sendoma sarcastically. “My name is Makajeh and I am the leader of the Ankishi, the army that destroyed this town. ...

Mmkay, so the action in this flew by way too fast for the reader to catch anything at all, so every time someone fought it's kind of like...okay, and why ...

I didn't get it. I didn't really like it either, some parts are good but... Yeah, I'm not one of the religious sort, but to me 'god-breathed' seems a bit ...

Here's the link to the first chapter: II: Of Chemistry, One-Way Tickets, and Icarus You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop ...

Mmkay, since the person before seemed to do a wonderful job picking out grammar things, I'll focus on something else. I think maybe you could begin this a different way ...

So yeah, the way it read did seem really distracted and parts of the phrasing in this read really, really odd- also I think with this you could have shown ...

Your imagery is very good, and I particularily liked "waxen wings". I'm not sure about the first line, as I think "passionately" contrasts a little awkwardly with "atoms". It makes ...

I actually really liked it. :) 'Course, Clau's such a little demon she probably couldn't relate... ;) (Hah, love you, Clau.) Really, though, I thought it perfectly portrayed how humble ...

It flows. But what is "God-breathed"? I didn't really like it. I didn't get nice imagery, or a feeling. I couldn't relate. It wasn't about something concrete, and even then, ...

I liked a lot of your description, very vivid and it added some good characterization but I'll move onto that after I've covered a few specific points - Her red ...

Passionately you arranged familiar atoms into unfamiliar structures, slinging ink with a quill fingertip to inscribe your wonder upon the universe, rolled up like a scroll. Creation trembles as a ...