biancarayne

Separate the paragraphs, I thik it's a wee bit hard for people to read as it is like this, which might be why there isn't any comments on this. I ...

"Just Think you're missing something there. As far as the idea, it was nice, though I'm not much one for happy endings but ah well that's just me. Personally they ...

More detail would definitely spice this up a bit, and grab the reader and make them more interested and involved. As far as the idea, it's very typical and I've ...

I think you'll get more comments if you break this up into smaller sections...most of the people on here seem to suffer from a bad case of A.D.D...*ducks for cover* ...

A cigarette dangled from the corner of Claude's mouth, smoke curling into the air, coalescing with the stifling gasoline fumes oppressing the tent.He was hunched over a changing table, his ...

I think in the beginning maybe explain why Kipp isn't as nice as the adults think he is. Don't just tell us, maybe show us an incident that proves it? ...

All critiques (no matter how harsh) are definitely appreciated on the above story and any of the following chapters! I'll return any critique I receive to the best of my ...

hey all, i've got all the way thru chapter three done so far! (major accomplishment, i know ;) )

Yeah, I think it's pretty narrow-minded of people to diss this just because it's rap. I mean, I'm not a big fan of rap, but that's mostly because there doesn't ...

~I haven't been able to write much good poetry for a if anyone knows how to tap into a fried muse, it would be appreciated muchly!~ Glacial as December, you ...

Link to Chasing the White Dragon #2: III: The Welcoming His smile was as glacial as December in the Arctic, his face as long and pale as that frozen wasteland. ...

The world was a dead ocean that had won the great war between land and see in another, far off age. See should be sea here I think. Also, I'm ...

I don't recall if I read chapter two or not...I think I read chapter one and meant to comment on that, but again i have noo idea. It was like ...

Mmkay, so...the rhyming in this actually seemed to work, although some of it sounded forced, and some lines didn't rhyme at all like the other ones had...other than what something ...

They were wide and fearful, and they seemed to penetrate him Not sure what you meant by this...you said the character was a her, right? Otherwise, I do think you ...