biancarayne

Ooh, I like this, especially the "onyx coils poised to strike" bit. Good stuff. I think, yeah, you're right, it can stand alone. Muffin thank ya muchly for the comment!

So it's definitely a very interesting and intense story with lots of potenial. The grammar and punctuaion in this wasn't the best and could be improved a little as it ...

"A many-times-folded map was hovering in front of her, anxiously." That sounded kind of awkward to me. Otherwise though, I couldn't find anything else wrong with this, maybe mainly because ...

Wow, I had no idea what his style of poetry was before I read this but you inspired me to look it up and tomorrow I'm going to attempt this ...

(I think this stanza can stand alone...however they were others that went with it that I've also posted it up, but I think this one is the best and since ...

The beginning dragged me in. It was interesting, full of images, beautifully tying into each other. And then this system was just repeated and dragged out through the rest of ...

I am not entirely sure what to say on this poem. It isn't bad, but it is lacking anything to make it good as well. This wasn't some terrible, horrid ...

It is 3 am and the black sky overhead resembles a snake, onyx coils poised to strike. I am Cleopatra and these pearls will prove my noose. A string of ...

[Obviously this isn't directly referring to the Civil War...I'm not sure how much I like this though...] You have peeled me apart. I am the onion peelings, lying unraveled on ...

[Written in paragraph form because this is how I start writing a helps me to just get the idea out first, and then from there edit as necessary, adding more, ...

Some of this was definitely better than other parts, such as the lines that went: Yet I Take The Dive Off The Canyon Deep Into Your Hearts Inner Core To ...

This is definitely a very interesting, well-written piece! You do a good job in making Clara seem to come alive. However, there was a sentence in this that I found ...

I am in line to be gassed. With muted voice, the resident fascists converse on such matters as Aryans and imprisoning yellow stars. The same yellow star that has so ...

This piece definitely had a very nice, beautiful flow to it that did indeed resmeble a piece of music. The only thing I saw was that the line that said ...

There were a few typos in here, but whatever, that could easily be fixed of course. As far as the story, it was definitely awesome! To me, it seemed a ...