biancarayne

The repetitive parts didn't do this justice at all and kind of sounded like you were repeating the same basic idea over and over again. I think maybe you should ...

This does seem more like a story than a poem would definitely make an awesome, intriguing story, that's for sure! Anyways, there's definitely stuff in here that could use some ...

Bang! The Dumbwaitor shuddered and he tumbled out landing in a heap on the floor. That part bothered me for some reason...I just think usin the word bang is kinda ...

There it was hanging and gliding back and forth , the villain upside down hanging by a single rope that kept him alive. He was high hanging from a sky ...

Hammerfists erase punctuation marks in favor of acerbicrunons, the static of bad reception adding a dulcet undertone to to the screeching tires of your getaway car. Fingertips trace the tracks ...

This does sound kinda like more of a summary than a prologue to me...but it does sound very interesting! the thing about stuff like this is that star wars IS ...

A field of wet, red poppies, All glistening in the sun. Some women pick as trophies But it isn’t just for fun. It doesn't sound quite right the way it ...

nd I’ll cover Super Boy with every fiber of my bean. bean should be being...unless, u meant to put bean for some reason i didn't catch on to. Anyways, the ...

Her red fingernail polish glittered in the fluorescent yellow light of the restaurant as she motioned for the waiter across the room. He was a young boy, somewhere in his ...

Where are the line breaks?!?! Right now, this looks more like prose. I'll crit it if you fix that, or if you move it to a proper place. But as ...

"To any passerby it would be a highly irregular sight that came to your eyes." I believe, though I'm not sure why exactly it would be their instead of your ...

You press me close, your granite surface rubbing my skin raw, unforgiving limbs adhesive as duct tape. I look into your eyes, captivated. They are Conflagrant in a field of ...

Some of the imagery in this...no, all I think, was absolutely brilliant and creative in my opinion. However, I find the large words to be completely unnecessary as that does ...

[quote="Fand"]Just a quick note: you really shouldn't be replying to your own poems before someone else--or "bumping" them. It's very, very bad etiquette. The imagery's nice, but rather disconnected.

I'm not sure the reptition in this really works all that well...and also, the last line really didn't make much sense at all, but of course that might be my ...